Nobelprize in Medicine 2007 goes to Portuguese Scientists

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TORREDEITA, Viseu, Portugal (near Morrocco, west of Salamanca)
Portuguese scientist Professor Correia di Campos and Engineer Mr. S. have won the 2007 Nobel prize for medicine for discovering a new revolutionary Orthopaedic method, that may save millions of lives all over the planet, especially in war torn regions with high amputation and Trauma rates like Baghdad, Mogadisciu and Kandahar.
They carried out experiments on patients with multiple fractures, admitted in the world famous Hospital of Kurry Kabral, in Lisbon.
Mr Correia di Campos invented a technique that permits ultra-rapid trauma intervention "on the hour", and was quoted saying in a Global Radio Station (TSF) :
O ministro assegurou à TSF que não pretende encerrar a urgência do hospital Curry Cabral, nomeadamente porque dispõe de uma valência peculiar, a "ortopedia a quente", que permite fazer a "intervenção logo na hora", em vez de o doente ter de deixar "arrefecer" a fractura e regressar "uma semana" depois.
Translated to Oxford English he proposed "Hot Orthopaedic Techniques", instead of the traditional "Freeze and Cool Down the fractured limb and don’t disturb the Anaesthetist at night because he gets really really angry" technique.
In strict cooperation with the Engineer Mr. S. (who prefers to maintain silence about the new method, and is considered to be a shy person) they invented a "Microwave" Trauma Room. Patients are submitted to 10 minutes heating procedures at 600 W, permitting therefore an immediate fusioning of the fractured limbs. Mr Correia di Campus said he got the idea at the LISNAVE University, where they use this technique to convert Psychiatry Patients which still believe Karl Marx exists and vote Communist, into devoted Catholics. " If it works in brains, why not on bones?" he was quoted saying in a secret scientists meeting with some close family members who belong to the "Left Bloc Party" in Portugal, and still think Jesus Christ is Socialist.
Questioned about eventual side effects he remarked, that there are even more benefits in this "Boil the Guy" technique:
1) The patients do not suffer infections, since this new revolutionary technique kills most of the typical Bacteria and Parasites, often found in Emergency Departments, especially is rural Permanent Attendance Services (Sap’s).
2) Most of the patients don’t get Pneumonia at the Hospital ward, because they get a special ambulatory treatment home and transportation in beautifully designed Black Limousines.
3) It helps reducing costs with Anaesthesiologists who are "the shame of the nation" , as he was heard commenting in a Bathroom with his close friend Luiz Cunha R., one of the most famous Emergency Physicians, also proposed for the Nobel prize for his research on the sexual life of haemoglobin molecules.
4) Young Portuguese patients may start working immediately after this procedure in the strawberry picking in Spain, instead of staying for weeks at home, drinking beers and watching Soccer games, beating their girl friends and robbing banks via mobile phone in Florida.
This Trauma Room Microwave designed by the very humble and shy engineer Mr. S. who is trained and professionally engaged in a branch of engineering. ( Engineers use creativity, technology, and scientific knowledge to solve practical problems. People who work as engineers normally have an academic degree (or equivalent work experience) in one of the engineering disciplines...) is being already used in Baghdad.
The US-Military installed this new device in Bradley Tanks, often hit by very nasty Rocket Propelled Grenades. "Now we may fusion broken limbs still in the burning tank and my men go on fighting against the axis of evil and bad Muslims" George Bush said, proposing Mr. S. and Correia di Campos the Medal of Honour.
CNN contacted these humble and sensible man from Portugal who said:
“I am sad, that we did not have this profound knowledge in 1755, after the Earthquake in Lisbon. Its a real tragedy. I was born 250 years to late, and it does depress me profoundly...My life has no sense... I even asked to retire near Macedo de Cavaleiros, and the government will certainly agree, conceiving me the gift of maintaining some research activity at the local Emergency Department and the future Helicopter Emergency Services.”
The Medicine prize is traditionally awarded on a Thursday, though the actual date is only announced 48 hours in advance.
CNN's Paul Mendo, Little Mendes , R. Bestos and The Taliban contributed to this report.